Counting my blessings

Today I am counting my blessings.

It is so easy to get caught up in what I don't have, what I wish I had, what circumstances in my life are hard and less than ideal, and that's exactly what I've been doing. We've decided to sell this beautiful home we're in. To be honest, it is absolutely heart breaking. The past few months have been the hardest of, maybe all my life. I am exhausted. I have fallen in love with this home, with every little detail from the little closets and cupbords and squeaky hardwood floors to the laundry chute that treavor built just for me. It is so emotionally draining to take a dive of a house, turn it into all you ever hoped and dreamed, put your personality into every decision, change and update and then leave it. All of this is nobody's fault, but my own. We had a plan Treavor and I, we were in it together. We were here to do something hard, to save and earn money. We were in an investment, we were in a flip, I thought I could hack it. I couldn't. I got so very attached to this home. I let my hopes and dreams get carried away and tried to find every possible way that it might be wise to stay in it. After a lot of thought and prayer and talking and talking and talking between Treavor and I with countless tears on my end. We know we have to leave. Sometimes the smartest thing is the very, very hardest thing.

More than loving our house and being sad to leave the cabinets we chose, and the tile I love and the carpet that was put in and walls that we built and painted, and painted and painted. It creates an anxiety in myself that I have never experienced to put my boys through yet another change. I worry so much about how they'll handle it. They are both so happy with what their life is right now and it is so painful for me to think about changing all of it for them.

These are the reasons why I have allowed myself to become sad. To become a serious basket-case, a less than excellent mother and wife. I feel like my stress and I are a giant ball of yarn, and every day I let the ball get bigger with more winding of stressful yarn.

So today, I am done. I am taking a deep breath. I am going to be grateful for all that is right in the world. I am such a blessed women and feel guilty for forgetting it. My blessings literally have no end. I have been given and shown an infinite amount of love from my Heavenly Father in my life and it brings me to tears to think of all that I have.  Today I am focusing on four blessings. They are the biggest, brightest and most full blessings of all right now

1. We are having a baby!!!! Due October 26th and so very thrilled. With each pregnancy I am more in awe at the trust the Lord has in me to send a precious angle to be my very own. We've had one Dr. appointment where I got to see the healthy, active baby in ultrasound. What an absolute miracle!! The Dr. thought she could already tell it's a boy, which would be wonderful news because we make amazing boys! I am 14 weeks, and pass the nausea that was so very hard to have in the middle of a kitchen remodel.  I am grateful to feel good and happy again. My energy is back and I am watching my baby bump grow. The other day Lewie said "dank do, mommy, baby" I'm grateful that he is grateful.
When we told the boys our happy news Owen said excitedly "Lewie, you were our first baby, and now we're going to have a second baby!"

2. Lewie. He is talking a lot more. He brings a smile to each of our faces every day. He loves his blankie, his bunny, his bottle, shooting hoops in the basement, and pretty much anything Owen is doing at the time. He is squishy and lovable in an irresistible way. When he wakes up from his nap and will cuddle with me on his rocking char for just about 10 seconds, all is right in the world. He brings me deep joy and shows me how easy it is to be happy.

Waiting for his blanket to come out of the washer

3. Owen. He is FULL of questions these days. He loves to learn and create and play. His brain works a million times a minute. I cherish the moments we have alone when he just chats away like a grownup. I love watching him in primary and at school. I've been so proud of his kindness and calm behavior. He is a good big brother, he loves to sing. He watches Robin Hood every morning, and plays Robin Hood the rest of the day. He is suddenly long and tall and skinny and old. Except his cheeks. They are still very pudgy and kissable. I hope they stay that way forever. 

 4. Treavor. He is a very busy man, who doesn't let the stress of life get to him. Ever. It is truely amazing! The other day, Owen asked and begged for me to help him build a race car. I put him off, not even knowing where to begin. When Treavor gets home from work, he literally turns the boys dreams into realities, and did not disappoint with the race car. they cut and measured and painted, it is still a work in progress but Owen couldn't be happier about the way it is turning out. Because of Treavor I am the luckiest girl.

Owen telling Treavor just how he wants the car.             Getting started.