Today

Owie had a giant doughnut with Orange frosting for lunch.

It just feels good to do that sometimes.

a little unsure

Change is in the air around here. It's almost tangible. I'm beginning to feel a little anxiety with the realization that the arrival of a baby is not far away. I think Owen is too. There have been more tantrums than normal, he's not being the fabulous sleeper that he's always been, he's asked for his binki a few times (that he only has at night) randomly and during the day...that hasn't happened for months, and he's started to stutter. I'm sure a few, if not all of these things are perfectly normal and developmental, but I can't help but wonder if he's sensing the change.

I have found myself a little more tearful and reflective as well. Not sad, just reflective. Why do I do this? The feelings are all too familiar from a few weeks before Owen was born. Is it because of the hormones? or the fear of inadequacy to be a mother? or the way I innately dread change? Or maybe the way that the humility and awe, rushes through me in waves, that I am trusted to have these sweet spirits for my own. Chances are that it's a combination of all of that, but I have been so emotional. How is it that I can know that when this angel baby comes into the world, it will be a beautiful day, and will add nothing but joy to our lives, but at the same time, feel an apprehension, for the end of an era? Our little family of Three has been pure bliss. And I can't help but feel a little sad that it's ending.

I wish that I could know exactly how much Owen understands, about it all. I keep feeling guilty knowing how much his world will completely change, and not being quite sure of the best way to prepare him. There is no better gift a mother can give a child than a sibling, He'll be an amazing big brother and I can't wait to watch his gentle, nurturing personality welcome his new friend, I just fear the adjusting it might take. I have already made him grow up fast the last few months, asking him to do me favors that my growing belly won't allow. It also kind of breaks my heart that I can't play with him like I did a while ago. I just don't have the energy to wrestle and build forts, and it isn't physically possible to play tackle football these days.

This change is making me feel a little unsure, but at the same time, it can't come soon enough. I have about six weeks to buy tiny diapers, wash little onsies, enjoy the baby moving inside of me and being a mother of one. Six weeks before our life changes for good, and I have double the joy. How could it be possible?