Grandmas funeral

Grandma's funeral was a good day. Each of her children spoke. They spoke of her love and motherhood. Her service and testimony. Beautiful piano pieces were played and all the grandchildren and great grandchildren sang My Heavenly Father Loves Me. The rainy, chilly day was full of a sweet, simple spirit, just like Grandma.

 

grandma

Today is the day that my beautiful angel grandmother passed away. 

I have this picture of her hanging in my hall. 

It made such an impact on me every time I passed it today, and it was in a different way each time. Her radiant face. Her sweet dimple and soft skin. Her posture and poise. Her clean and simple yet elegant style. Her deep brown eyes, full of humble wisdom that remained the same until my very last visit with her. 

I wish there were a bigger word than gratitude to describe my feelings about being her granddaughter.  I know that I am blessed, even beyond my own comprehension in this life and into the eternities to be tied to her celestial being.

I want to always remember:

The way she bent down to be on my eye level when I was young. She would put her hands on her knees, with her back arched a little bit and really look into my eyes. I knew she was listening with no distractions. 

The way she read books to me. 

How she showed me her jewelry in her silky jewelry bag. and taught me what an opal was. Her opal ring was my favorite. 

The way she put her hand on her hips.

I loved watching her do dishes. she used rubber gloves (that must be why her hands were the world's softest). She didn't do anything in a hurry. She was busy, but methodical. She cleaned with such care and dried so gently while chatting with the family.

The way she never judged people, but had such a great sense of humor about personality differences. 

Watching her play the piano every Christmas eve in my front room.  With Grandpa on the trombone and the rest of us singing Christmas carols. Silent night will forever remind me of her and those perfect dark cold winter evenings when everything felt perfect. 

Listening to her bear her testimony on Sundays in Bear Lake. Her unwavering knowledge of eternal families.

The way her home smells and feels. Such a welcoming home. A house of order and productivity and love. 

When I was in college and she was in the hospital, I would comb her hair and rub lotion on her hands. She would sleep and some of those moments are when I felt the holy ghost most in my life. 

How she welcomed Treavor into the family so lovingly.

The way she held my babies gently and looked at them with such joy. 

The way she waved goodbye with an open hand and up and down motion. Saying "come again"

The way she endured to the end with such faith and hope.

My last visit with her. 

It was sweet and peaceful. She woke up a little bit and used a lot of strength to mutter a few words. "Hi Sara" and "I love you too". 

I rubbed her skin and felt her hair. I loved her pink soft jammies that fit her sweet personality. 

I brought each of my kids into her room. 

Owen said "hi"

Lewie  kissed her hand

and kit sat on my hip. My angel baby with my angel Grandma in a quiet room was an experience I hope to never forget. 

Today I thanked Heavenly Father over and over for Carol Anderson Ellertson. For her testimony, her strength, her tenderness, and for the way she impacted my life in ways that I cant fully express. I love her so much.

First day of kindergarten and preschool

rainy days

The old computer that I use to update is having issues. I'm not able to currently download pictures. Which means, that for today, words will have to do.

The last week, the weather has been really different for this time of year. It's been rainy, cloudy and cool. It actually perfectly represents my emotional state. That sounds depressing, and it's really not. I love rain. I love the coziness  and the freshness it gives the green earth. I love the reminder that it gives me of God's creations and the way he controls the elements. I love the sound it makes and the misty breeze it brings. I love that it urges me to stay in and do housework and play with kids, when typically, I look for reasons to get out of the house.

This weather has been so appropriate for the flood of emotions that have come over me. They aren't all good, but they definitely aren't bad. They're complex and contemplative. They're  nervous and nostalgic. They're excited and even ready. Believe it or not, my emotions are kind of ready for the big changes coming our way.

The day after tomorrow my sweet baby Owie goes to Kindergarten. HE is ready. he's almost 6. he knows his abc's and 123's. He has grown socially and physically and will thrive in the bright happy setting full of blocks and paints and numbered hooks. He will gain confidence with the beaming teacher that we met a couple nights ago who smiled huge and told him he's cute.

The very next week, my grabby crazy gooey Lewie will go to Discovery. I asked him tonight as i pulled his jammie shirt over his just bathed, squeaky clean face if he's excited to start school. He said "yeth" stretching his arms out wide  "i will meet thooooo many friendth". And that is exactly what he will do.

Just like the rain makes me feel grateful, blessed, comfortable and humble. So do these milestones in my children's lives. I cant quite put into words what I feel at times like these, but I know I feel a lot. It's a feeling that takes me off guard every once in a while, literally taking my breath away. Its a feeling that only a mother's heart has had the privilege and pain of feeling. I've loved the rain and the way for me, it symbolically wrapped up our summer.

who doesn't ?!

Kit LOVES Oreos. 

itsy, bitsy pony

Kits hair is growing thicker and taller and fluffier every day. The last time we were with Grandpa Bell he said "kit, when is your hair gonna bend?" Mally says she wants to lick it, cause it "looks like it would dissolve like cotton candy. Her soft strawberry hair is one of the things I love most, and now even fits in the smallest ponytail. Owen asked why her ponytail is "a straight line".

blessings

Macy, Jessica, Me

College roommates 2004 -2005

My dear, sweet friend Jessica has taught me a lot over the years about loving life and the people in it. she is happy optimistic, and as loyal as they come. Her Dad passed away in October. He is an amazing man and I have him to thank for the wonderful woman she is. I know that she gained those qualities that I love so much about her from him. Since he passed away, I have learned even more from her. I have learned about faith, and love and hope and a true testimony of the atonement and Heavenly Father's plan. Jim Roberts' grave was dedicated just the other day, so all of his family could be in town and I was privileged to attend.  It put a lot of my blessings in such perspective, including wonderful friends in my life.