Class of '13

It was a big year for graduations! Landon graduated from Dental school in Nebraska and they're back in Utah. We are in heaven having them and they're sweet kids around. Owen has loved playing with Kinnie and Andrew so much. Both Layton and Lauren worked so hard and graduated for the University of Utah. Treavor was able to attend Gunnar's graduation and I was able to attend Haylie's graduation. Where I took a lot of pictures.

I really can't believe our little blue eyed, round faced, happy go-lucky little Haylie Jane is all grown up. It hit me hard that night, how quickly my little baby sisters have become women.

Out at the Ranch.

We got to have dinner at Chad and Tiffany's a few weeks ago. The boys always love the fun toys, the huge yard, the cousins, and of course the beautiful horses. Lewis was a little nervous and made sure not to get too close, Owen couldn't get enough. He pet them all over, talked to them and never wanted to leave them.

4th of July

The 4th was such a good day for all of us. We spent the morning at the Peters home where I alway fail to get enough pictures on my camera, because of the magic Kathryn works behind her own. We had a big, delicious breakfast and a huge pool party. Every year is full of family, cousins, a small history lesson from Grandpa Dennis, the pledge of allegiance, food, water, sun and lots of red white and blue. The perfect way to begin our day and celebrate our independence and freedom. 

After  our fun morning and big naps we were off to the Bell home for a BBQ and fireworks at sugarhouse park. Owen was a little more comfortable with the fireworks that he was last year, but still had his hands over his ears most of the time. Lewis loved them. 

It's a girl.

Eating pink Ice cream for a girl.

 With this pregnancy Treavor and I could not decide if we should find out what we'd be having. For most of the first part of my pregnancy, I was planning on not finding out. The surprise has been an amazing experience with both of our babies and I kind of wanted to stick with tradition. I felt that I was deep down happy about a third boy or a girl, and love the idea of waiting to know what my baby is until i'm actually holding the sweet bundle in my arms.

As the day of the ultrasound approached Treavor and I talked and talked about finding out, and we just could not come to a decision. About 10:00 at night before our scheduled appointment Treavor said he thought we should find out. I got in the shower, prayed for an answer and thought really hard about it and by the time I was ready for bed, I was certain that it was the right decision. Owen was sure we were having a girl, and I felt that he might need to prepared with the idea of another brother. I realized that my emotions might need a little preparation as well on this third child of mine. And with other areas of our life being up in the air and feeling in sort of a state of limbo, I was ready for this to be known.

In the ultrasound we told the technician that we would like to know the gender. As she moved the camera around looking we told her that at my 10 week checkup my Dr. thought that she could already tell it was a boy. the technician got a good shot and said "AAAACTUALLY...." clear as day on the TV in front of me I was looking at a baby girl. Treavor says that I was literally in shock. I couldn't say a thing. I couldn't believe my ears or my eyes. I was thrilled. We felt so blessed as the technician checked organs, and bones and the brain and saw 10 little fingers and 10 little toes and a perfectly beating heart.

My first letter to my first girl:

Dear baby girl,

we started out living off of soda crackers and chocolate milk. We were very sick and we felt like we could sleep all day long!! You are an active baby. We have a schedule. Every night I put the boys to bed at 7:00 I clean up, sometimes do the dishes and then I lay down. You wake up. You have my undivided attention for a little bit while I unwind from a busy day with your brothers. Your little baby flutters have turned into bigger kicks and pokes and movements. I think about how the ultrasound technician said you have beautiful hands and a gorgeous profile. I think about what to name you, because I had a list of about 10 boy names and zero girl names. I think about how very, very loved you will be, and already are. I think about how I will teach Lewie to be gentle and Owen to help you. I think about how you are so blessed to have your daddy who is so full of love and sensitivity for girls and their needs. I think about my relationship with my mom, which is one of my biggest blessings and feel overjoyed that I will get to experience it from the other perspective. I think about the fall and what a beautiful time of year it will be for you to be coming into the world. I think about how blessed I am to have 3 babies. 

I love you

The sweetest boys anxious to welcome a sister

Because I don't want to forget

Lewis has been talking so much. It has eliminated a lot of frustration and has been so fun to watch him comunicate. He at least attempts to try any and all words. His voice and words are so cute and I really wish I could bottle them  up. Here are just a few words that I love an extra lot:

barger - garbage

duch - truck

barger duch - garbage truck

lewithi - lewis

merki aaf - American flag

mam - Gram

da dat - Grandma Kat

bum-aw -Grandpa

dit do - thank you

berder - diaper

bi bop - flip flops

deth - yes

bithy - blankie

beep - book

mawny - marley

munch - jump

wen - Owen

Mother's Day

I had a wonderful Mothers day. The Saturday before we worked in the yard and planted some flower pots. We went to home depot together and Owen loved helping pick out the flowers. Both the boys "helped" a lot with the dirt, shovels, flowers and water. During the process I told them that it was the perfect mothers day gift and it really made me appreciate how full and blessed my life is as a mother. Every morning as I water my growing plants I think of that day. That gift of a couple pots on my porch, but mostly the gift of motherhood. There is nothing I love more.

Saturday night, right before bed Owen said "mom I am going to work really hard on a mothers day picture for you....how do you spell fire fighter?" Sure enough he had a beautiful, colorful, big picture ready for me the next morning full of creativity and detail of some firefighters and their truck and hose.

The highlight of the day for me was watching Owen sing Mother I Love You in sacrament meeting. The whole primary gathered on one side of the pulpet. Before Owen had gone up to sing, Treavor told him to find a spot where he could see me. He was one of the last kids to get up there and there wasn't any room for him where he would have been visible. He went to the other side of the pulpet all alone and poked his cute pudgy face between the space right below the microphone. Since he was on the other side he couldn't even see the director so he kept contact with my tear-filled eyes  the entire time he sweetly sang every word. Treavor telling Owen to find me and Owen following his direction were the two best gifts.

We were able to host dinner with my family and Grandparents. It felt like such a special privilege to have a house in enough order to cook, visit and enjoy an evening celebrating two extraordinary women in my life.

The day was abounding in toddler hugs and little wet kisses and baby movement inside of me which is all a dream.

Counting my blessings

Today I am counting my blessings.

It is so easy to get caught up in what I don't have, what I wish I had, what circumstances in my life are hard and less than ideal, and that's exactly what I've been doing. We've decided to sell this beautiful home we're in. To be honest, it is absolutely heart breaking. The past few months have been the hardest of, maybe all my life. I am exhausted. I have fallen in love with this home, with every little detail from the little closets and cupbords and squeaky hardwood floors to the laundry chute that treavor built just for me. It is so emotionally draining to take a dive of a house, turn it into all you ever hoped and dreamed, put your personality into every decision, change and update and then leave it. All of this is nobody's fault, but my own. We had a plan Treavor and I, we were in it together. We were here to do something hard, to save and earn money. We were in an investment, we were in a flip, I thought I could hack it. I couldn't. I got so very attached to this home. I let my hopes and dreams get carried away and tried to find every possible way that it might be wise to stay in it. After a lot of thought and prayer and talking and talking and talking between Treavor and I with countless tears on my end. We know we have to leave. Sometimes the smartest thing is the very, very hardest thing.

More than loving our house and being sad to leave the cabinets we chose, and the tile I love and the carpet that was put in and walls that we built and painted, and painted and painted. It creates an anxiety in myself that I have never experienced to put my boys through yet another change. I worry so much about how they'll handle it. They are both so happy with what their life is right now and it is so painful for me to think about changing all of it for them.

These are the reasons why I have allowed myself to become sad. To become a serious basket-case, a less than excellent mother and wife. I feel like my stress and I are a giant ball of yarn, and every day I let the ball get bigger with more winding of stressful yarn.

So today, I am done. I am taking a deep breath. I am going to be grateful for all that is right in the world. I am such a blessed women and feel guilty for forgetting it. My blessings literally have no end. I have been given and shown an infinite amount of love from my Heavenly Father in my life and it brings me to tears to think of all that I have.  Today I am focusing on four blessings. They are the biggest, brightest and most full blessings of all right now

1. We are having a baby!!!! Due October 26th and so very thrilled. With each pregnancy I am more in awe at the trust the Lord has in me to send a precious angle to be my very own. We've had one Dr. appointment where I got to see the healthy, active baby in ultrasound. What an absolute miracle!! The Dr. thought she could already tell it's a boy, which would be wonderful news because we make amazing boys! I am 14 weeks, and pass the nausea that was so very hard to have in the middle of a kitchen remodel.  I am grateful to feel good and happy again. My energy is back and I am watching my baby bump grow. The other day Lewie said "dank do, mommy, baby" I'm grateful that he is grateful.
When we told the boys our happy news Owen said excitedly "Lewie, you were our first baby, and now we're going to have a second baby!"

2. Lewie. He is talking a lot more. He brings a smile to each of our faces every day. He loves his blankie, his bunny, his bottle, shooting hoops in the basement, and pretty much anything Owen is doing at the time. He is squishy and lovable in an irresistible way. When he wakes up from his nap and will cuddle with me on his rocking char for just about 10 seconds, all is right in the world. He brings me deep joy and shows me how easy it is to be happy.

Waiting for his blanket to come out of the washer

3. Owen. He is FULL of questions these days. He loves to learn and create and play. His brain works a million times a minute. I cherish the moments we have alone when he just chats away like a grownup. I love watching him in primary and at school. I've been so proud of his kindness and calm behavior. He is a good big brother, he loves to sing. He watches Robin Hood every morning, and plays Robin Hood the rest of the day. He is suddenly long and tall and skinny and old. Except his cheeks. They are still very pudgy and kissable. I hope they stay that way forever. 

 4. Treavor. He is a very busy man, who doesn't let the stress of life get to him. Ever. It is truely amazing! The other day, Owen asked and begged for me to help him build a race car. I put him off, not even knowing where to begin. When Treavor gets home from work, he literally turns the boys dreams into realities, and did not disappoint with the race car. they cut and measured and painted, it is still a work in progress but Owen couldn't be happier about the way it is turning out. Because of Treavor I am the luckiest girl.

Owen telling Treavor just how he wants the car.             Getting started.