These blurry, in-motion pictures, may seem funny to love. but I love them so much. And I love him so much. I remember walking in the green, beautiful, hot, humid florida our first morning on our trip and wanting to bottle it all up. Wanting to always hear the birds and the frogs and the fountains. Wanting to remember the smell and wanting to never forget how I felt this moment. Treavor Takes such good care of me. He talked me into going on this trip, knowing I needed some free time and time with him. He planned it all out for me to fly and meet him there. He was walking me to breakfast and helping me get situated for the day, making sure I would have fun while he was off at conferences working SO hard all the time to provide for our family. I was so sick. It was on the flight there that I first knew for sure that I was pregnant. A fifth beautiful pregnancy with a fifth beautiful life inside of me. Two weeks ago at my 14th week check up I learned it was another miscarriage.
I have felt frustrated and angry and sad and discouraged, but looking back on this happy and nauseous time on this trip, makes me have even more feelings for this life and this man than I even did before. What a joy and a privilege and a blessing it is to experience all of life with Treavor. He is gentle and sweet and optimistic and helps my heart heal in the hardest of times. I hope to never forget how happy I was on this lush, muggy walk with the man I love so much.
2 comments:
Sara, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sending many long distance hugs and tissues and hope you feel peace. Love you!
You have everything you need to be a safe and loved soul Sara. When you have a loving husband who helps ease pain, who loves you, who you admire and are grateful for- then all of life's deepest challenges can be met with an eternal perspective, together. Loss is hollow and empty and heavy. Love during these times, lifts and elevates and helps us be whole again and remember the endless joys this life offers.
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