Tonight, I am proud.

We have a bedtime story about all the feelings a heart can feel. Each page has cute, colorful illustrations and spirited, accurate descriptions of different feelings. 

"Sometimes my heart feels like a big yellow star, shiny and bright.I smile from ear to ear and twirl around so fast, I feel as if I could take off into the sky.This is when my heart is happy." 
There is a page for sadness, bravery, anger, shyness... 
"our hearts can feel so many feelings!" 
After I read to the boys I ask them what their heart is feeling. sometimes the response is "my heart ith thad i have to go to bed" or my "heart feels cozy" I love hearing them express themselves. I've noticed I'm the very happiest, when they say their heart is proud.They have so very much to be proud of.  
As humans, why aren't we proud of ourselves more often? 
Tonight, I've decided to feel proud. It's such a good thing to be (in the humble sense of the word). 
Why don't I go to bed more often giving myself a pat on the back?
Of course, mistakes are made everyday. Of course tasks aren't gotten to, or negative words are said. But it doesn't help to focus on the bad. What a happy thing to be proud. I'm throwing all the negative thoughts out the window and keeping the good, along with the resolve to be proud of new and different things tomorrow. 

Tonight I am proud that I spent time to play with Lewie. With a to- do list a mile long and other things I'd rather be doing, I helped create and then crawled into a fort with low draped blankets. it was stuffy and claustrophobic and making my hair staticky. It was uncomfortable and forced my shoulders to hunch. I usually do what I can to avoid super imaginative play, but at this particular time, I knew it was needed and it paid off. It paid off in the form of Lewies big eyes lighting up like the sky on the 4th of July. We talked about our fort being a big, wooden ship. We flapped the sails. A storm was coming. It was a good thing it was a magical ship that could transform into a submarine that would take us deep into the ocean, where we would be safe from the wind and hail and lightning.  we went down deep in our speedy boat. we looked out the window and saw fish, octopus, "thea hortheth!", starfish, crab, lobsters, and then A Shark! We had to put on our special masks and tanks and "thwim gear" to get the shark away. Lewie fought. He fought him so hard, with lots of sound effects. He saved the day. Then we found a huge, friendly whale who gave us a ride back to our submarine where we were safe again. 

What a blessing it is to be Lewie's mama. And to be proud of some time well spent with his bright, wonderful brain. What a blessing it is that he loves when i take part in the vision and the fantasy.

I don't always make connecting with my children first priority, but i'm grateful for the times that I do.  Abraham Lincoln said "whatever you are, be a good one." 
I am a mom. 
Today, I was a good one.