growth

A miraculous thing has happened in the last couple of months. My broken heart has been healed. It has been spectacular, humbling and beautiful to witness and physically feel the change in me. I know more than ever that the atonement is real. A couple nights ago. I was lying on treavor's shoulder trying to find the words to express the tears I was crying. He asked if I was ok and I said yes. He asked if they were happy tears and I said "overwhelmed". All I could say is "my heart doesn't hurt anymore". Treavor has a gift of understanding. He has always known my heart almost even better than I do myself. He perfectly and eloquently expressed what I was feeling and then quoted Alma 7:12 and said "And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities..."

The last little while, I have been happier than ever. I think one of the reasons is because of all that i've learned. In a book I was reading today, the author quoted William Butler Yeats who said "happiness, is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing."
I am growing. And I am happy.

Since the day George was born, I've needed plants in my house. I was finding a lot of comfort in fresh pretty flowers. right as bouquets stopped being delivered from loved ones. My amaryllis bloomed. To me it was a miracle and a gift.

Every Christmas My Grandma and Grandpa give all their grandkids a Christmas book and an amaryllis. Since Grandma has passed away, grandpa has kept the tradition up and it has been a sweet reminder of my grandma carol and her love for flowers and her pretty garden. This year I planted the bulb as directed on the box with a simple little prayer that it would grow and not be a dud, like they sometimes are. The plant sprouted a couple inches and then stopped. It was dead. the tips were brown, the leaves were a little bent and it hadn't grown in lots of days. One morning I woke up and it was alive. It was fresh and green and at one point, I literally saw it getting taller before my very eyes. The kids loved the rapid growth and we talked about it daily, especially when the soft, light pink petals started to emerge. Treavor and I both cried one day as we stared at it and he said "its such a special plant". I might sound crazy to feel so deeply for a plant that sat on my kitchen table, but there really was something extraordinary and sentimental. My mom also loved the flower and told me that she likes to believe that Grandma made it grow. I do too.